If there’s one thing I’ve learned in my short life it’s that there is a lot I don’t have control over. That realllllly bothers me. I love control. I love knowing what’s going to happen and planning accordingly. I love making my own choices and having the freedom to do so. There’s so much I cannot control, though. I don’t have a say in if I get injured, or if I get traded, or if I start a game. My life heavily involves decisions and situations that are outside my control. Some of these things other people decide. But many things are just the happenstances of life. We all go through adversity. And it’s not like we get to pick what we go through. We are forced to go through challenging situations without choice. Whether that’s an injury, a natural disaster, the loss of a loved one—these are things we don’t choose, but we must endure them.
If I had a dollar for every single time I said the words, “Why, God?” I would be very very rich. I don’t understand all the battles I have to face, but I know they are serving a higher purpose. I think the key to overcoming one’s battles is knowing one’s purpose. Whether it’s becoming a better person, developing mental strength, or growing closer to Jesus, there’s always a reason for what you’re going through. And let me make a disclaimer here real quick: I know people who have gone through absolutely horrific things, and by no means do I think they were put through that to “teach them a lesson”. However, I do believe that out of the worst possible situations we can learn valuable things about others, about ourselves, and about life.
I think the trials we face in life are because this world isn’t perfect, and although I wish it was, the fact of the matter is there are things I’m going to experience that I probably don’t want to. For me, most of the time it’s something like an injury. Whether it’s a season ending one or something fickle and annoying, injuries mean I can’t perform my job, and that is very frustrating. But I think that’s because I’ve seen my purpose more as playing soccer as opposed to being the best version of myself.
As I continue to grow as a soccer player and attempt to climb up the elite ladder of success, I find it’s easy to get caught up in that success. The “American Dream” tells us how important success is and how we need to do everything we can to be successful. But what about becoming good people? Or becoming confident? Or mentally strong? I think our focus is so fixed on the long term and how we can be at “the top”. And I put that in quotations because is the top really where I want to be if I’m not developing as a person along the way? I would much rather be an individual who loves relentlessly, has a servant heart, and has learned how to go through trials with joy and hope and not make it to the top of my job than someone who has all the earthly success but hasn’t tried to shape and grow their heart or learned from trials.
I think those who let go of control in their life gain the freedom to fully experience all they’re going through in order to get the most out of all they endure. That’s who I want to be. I don’t want to be utterly upset every time something doesn’t go my way. I want to be someone who rolls with punches, who delights in adversities because I know I’m becoming stronger inside. The thing is though, in order to become all of this, that means I have to practice at it, which means going through trials. The very source of sadness, frustration, annoyance, and anger, is the gateway to the joy and hope and passion of life.
I guess that’s what Jesus means by upside down kingdom. It doesn’t always make sense, but it will always have a purpose, even if I don’t see that purpose in my lifetime. I think the more control I give up, the more freedom I’ll have—freedom to learn and grow as a human being just trying to make herself and others better. It’s time to take life head on, knowing no one is immune to the hardships of life. My hope and wish for my life and yours is that we will squeeze out every ounce of experience and knowledge that life throws our way. To feel everything deeply is the most beautiful and authentic experience we can have on this Earth, good and bad.